The school year finally ended this past Wednesday so I’m officially on vacation until the beginning of August. While I expected to feel relief and anticipation, instead I was just exhausted and sad. These past 13 weeks have been rough physically because I chose to come back to the US so I have had to wake up between 5 am and 5:30 am to log on to work. After all of these weeks of getting up early my body and my mind is tired. Emotionally working remote has worn me out, it’s harder to be present for students and as the time away from campus got longer students started to disengage. So now I need to rest and become separated from my work email. As the unrest in America happened I’m disappointed that my principal did not think he needed to reach out to ask how I’m dealing with it despite my email to the staff with resources.
It’s been awhile since I have written because I vacillate between anger and sadness and I struggled to find the appropriate words to express my feelings. I am grateful for my friends, ex colleagues who have reached out to check on me, to offer support and words of kindness it was appreciated. Now it is time to decompress and unplug. The challenge to this is that the counseling field loves to do professional development during the summer. This year I may chose to take a break from all of it because I don’t have the energy to participate right now. In August I will need to figure out how to move forward next year with people who won’t see my pain or want to acknowledge it.
It is looking like remote work may be a possibility in August because the cases in Abidjan continue to rise as the restrictions have been lowered. Right now there is no indication of when the airport will be reopened and I need to rebook my flight back since my original flight has been cancelled. And with no real plans for a summer holiday I feel like I am on punishment. I am starting to realize that I may not get to go to Barbados this summer and that really sucks. The world is currently closed. I’m tired of being inside. I want to go somewhere. As Boston begins its phases of reopening I am hoping that soon I will be able to go out to eat, grab a drink and maybe even take a short trip somewhere for my birthday 🤞🏾 a girl can hope right? With so much uncertainty it’s hard to have something to look forward to. In the meantime I focus on being grateful that my family is good, being intentional about prioritizing my self care and reconnecting with my family and friends. I chose to find some joy by eating ice cream and chocolate, getting outside so I can feel the sun on my skin and laughing as much as I can while watching ridiculous shows like the Married at First Sight or the Circle with my niece😍. Because at times like these the little things in life make all the difference.